Rahmbo: Rated-R

Five days after the WSJ published an article in which White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel was quoted as calling a group of liberal Democrats “f—ing retarded,” (for planning to do what politicians do best), governor author America’s favorite MILF Sarah Palin issued a response (in a fb note of her own) calling Emanuel’s use of the word retarded a “slur on all God’s children with cognitive and developmental disabilities – and the people who love them. . .unacceptable, and. . .heartbreaking.”

I know, I know. In light of everything that’s happened since then, you might be thinking this is just a typical Republican response to something that supposedly matters: both slow and hypocritical. And I’m sure her delay had nothing to do with the fact that Ms. Palin was preparing herself for that Tea Party Convention speech in Nashville (which btw was worth atleast half of her $100,000 fee : : wink : :), but more to do with her being such a sophisticated reader. Yeah, that’s it. (Clearly, the “vast variety” of information one gets from The Daily Oklahoman ≠ that crap you read in The Wall Street Journal.)

But I for one will not allow for governor author Sarah Palin, who is from one of the most “pro-American” parts of regular America, to be dismissed under such ordinary terms.

This woman is a baby cow maverick! Her hypocrisy does not conform to the standard, two-faced stunts you so often don’t hear about (especially when it comes to the GOP).

This is not like the time she ran for vice president on a platform of family values and we found out that her pregnant teenaged daughter Bristol is the normal one.

And it’s definitely not like the time she irresponsibly bitched about Obama having an alleged terrorist pal in Bill Ayers when in fact her own husband, “First Dude” Todd Palin, hated America for almost 7 years (and maybe still does).

It’s also not related to what recently happened at the aforementioned convention where Palin mocked the President as “a charismatic guy with a teleprompter,” while coyly referring to her Hillbilly Palm Pilot.

It’s not a deceitful example of Republican ethics, either. In case you were thinking that, too.

And just for the record, it’s not like any of this stuff here.

Sure, she has called for Emanuel’s resignation, based on this incident alone. And why not? It’s as justified as when the Republicans sought to impeach President Clinton for. . .well, you know. If you do the crime and get caught, you should pay the price. Emanuel should’ve known better than to call people for what they really are, (in front of a journalist no less), and Clinton shouldn’t have gotten a blow job. . .in the Oval Office. (Even Republicans know that if you wanna get your dick sucked in the White House without getting caught you do it in the Vice President’s office. It’s not like that room gets used a lot, anyway.)

And yes, the MILF has even called for the Chief of Staff to step down despite fellow conservatives Ann Coulter, Glenn Beck , and Rush Limbaugh having also used this same word publicly (and sometimes simultaneously) while Palin solely focused on Emanuel.

However, as Ms. Palin has already made perfectly clear, “there is a big difference,” here since Rush Limbaugh for example, was being satirical when he referred to the same group of liberals that Rahm Emanuel did also as “retards.”

I think I’m gonna go with Palin on this one, since she has a Bachelor’s Degree in Communications-Journalism and has been well-educated in the literary techniques of satire. If anyone can recognize the satirical form, it’s Sarah Palin.

Why?

  1. Because she learned about it at Hawaii Pacific University in the Fall 1982,
  2. as well as at North Idaho College during the Spring and Fall of 1983,
  3. . . .then again at the University of Idaho from the Fall of 1984 to the Spring of 1985,
  4. and also at Matanuska-Susitna College in the Fall of 1985,
  5. FINALLY mastering her skills and graduating from the University of Idaho after returning for the Spring and Fall in 1986 and the Spring of 1987

In case you missed it—and contrary to popular belief—Sarah Palin also somehow managed to fit in a minor in Political Science somewhere in her mavericky journey to educate herself.

So while Rahm Emanuel was too busy twinkling his toes and taking courses such as “Civil Liberties, Speech, and the Press,” “Economic Concepts and Ideas,” “Dewey, Heidegger & Wittgenstein,” as a Liberal Arts major at Sarah Lawrence College—and only Sarah Lawrence College—Sarah Palin was becoming a connoisseur of the English Language. . .somewhere out there.

(I myself majored in cake decorating, with a minor in medicine and plan on becoming a cardiologist. And if that doesn’t make me qualified to perform open-heart surgery to you then clearly you’re unpatriotic or a sexist. Probably both.)

But that’s not what mavericks do. They’re not just plainly hypocritical. That’s boring. And such is not the case with Sarah Palin.

No.

Sarah Palin is the überhypocrite, the ultimate douchebag. The kind that condemns an asshole like Rahm Emanuel for allegedly calling people retarded when she herself has not only allegedly referred to her own son as her “retarded baby,” but also named him after his own mental handicap.

NO KIDDING.

To quote the brilliant Sullivan himself:

The medical term for Down Syndrome is Trisomy-21 or Trisomy-g. It is often shortened in medical slang to Tri-g.

Is it not perfectly possible that the very name given to this poor child. . .is another form of mockery of his condition, along with the “retarded baby” tag? And does the way in which this poor child was hauled around the country on a book tour, being dragged out in front of flash photographs in the middle of the night, barely clothed, suggest someone who actually cares for children with special needs, or rather sees them as a way to keep the spotlight on her?

Palin claims to have named her son Trig after his great uncle.

Hmmm. . . I’ll let you decide for yourself about that one, but I will say this:

I myself have used this word in the past. I even used it in an essay that was published in my high school literary magazine, so there is tangible proof out there that I was once an insensitive, grossly immature, turd (which I’m sure will be brought up and used against me by future political adversaries when I run for president). But it’s true: I have referred to people as “retarded,” on many occassions throughout my adolescence, and I saw nothing wrong with it. Yet for quite some time now I have chosen to no longer include this word in my (obscene) vocabulary. To call someone retarded or be called retarded is as much an offensive word to me as the n-word and the f-word (both of which I have never used) and it doesn’t say much to me about the adult who uses the word, jokingly or not.

At 16 years old, when the brain is not yet fully developed, one can see how easy it is to make poor decisions, including in one’s choice of words. “The missing dorsal lateral prefrontal cortex,” which “plays a critical role in decision making, problem solving and understanding future consequences of today’s actions. . .won’t be fully mature until [a person is] into their 20s.” At 23, I think it’s safe to say my brain is no longer underdeveloped and I therefore have no excuse to be so irresponsible. And if I have reached the age limit, then surely these two fossils in question need to take some responsibility for this problem.

One of them already has.

The other is Going Rogue.

Story by: A. Ritard

***
Again, the male is by nature superior, and the female inferior; and the one rules, and the other is ruled.
—Aristotle

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