Famous Pendejo Is Secretly The Ideal Man

 #4 Braveheart, My Ass.

 

So, even if my approach towards the opposite sex began with the ridiculous notion that men are from Mars and women come from Venus, common sense would tell me that such is not always the case. Not all men are Martians, metaphorically speaking. Realistically speaking, a man like Mel Gibson for example, is a giant asshole, clearly an inhabitant of the planet Uranus; as such he is an exception to the rule.

Not that we didn’t know that before.

But if we started to forget, Mr. Gibson would like to remind us that he is still king of douchebags everywhere.

Some may remember Gibson’s ugly drunken tirade 4 years ago, where he allegedly went off on an anti-semitic rant (while being arrested for a DUI) blaming Jewish people for “all the wars in the world,” but not before calling the female officer on the scene “sugartits.”

But did you know that Gibson has actually been talking out of his ass for nearly two decades now? His earliest epithets trace back to a homophobic 1991 interview with Spanish newspaper El Pais and soon after in 1995 with Playboy magazine (a publication I wouldn’t think included any actual words, but ok. . .) where he refused to apologize for the previously published hateful dialogue.

It shouldn’t then come as a surprise to find that someone whose professional and historically inaccurate work resonates with his personal Neanderthal-like beliefs is once again firing off a hateful, offensive mouthful of threats against his homewrecker of a baby mama some chick whose name I don’t care to know, in a phone conversation that has recently “leaked” on to the internet.

Telling your “significant other” that she deserves to be raped and hit and all that is just fucked up. It’s fucked up. And the racial slurs are equally offensive. N*gg*rs and w*tb*cks? : : Ugh : : I think I just got that vomit taste in my mouth. (Not that that was some rare moment in which someone was putting those words to use. People speak like this every fucking day and you know it’s true). And while we don’t know if this particular Neanderthal is guilty of the alleged physical abuse towards his girlfriend, the language is bad enough and an abuse all its own.

You know, I’m not much of a sweet talker myself. Being called “snookums” or “baby” doesn’t exactly work for me. But neither would having a boyfriend call me a whore (not that anyone has ever dared. And the only digits any man who thinks it would be okay to do so could get from me is 911 because I would definitely fuck him up and put him in a goddamn coma). What’s up with boyfriends not knowing how to speak to their girlfriends and fathers not communicating well with their daughters? What’s up with husbands cheating on their wives and getting caught on tape, too? How about trying harder to think before you speak. And for God’s sake, I’m sure even extraterrestrials use protection, so why can’t Earthlings wear condoms? Yuck.

As George Carlin once said, “men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.” Congratulations, Mel Gibson, for not knowing how to deal with humans, or act like one.

*(Honorable Mention: Sharon “the Obtuse” Angle)

  

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