People keep asking me what my New Year’s Resolutions are. I tell them “No, I don’t ever make any.” And they look disappointed. I’m here to tell them to fuck off.


Because it’s that time of year when people start getting all reflective and shit, thinking about the year that has passed, the year that soon approaches, and all kinds of crap in between. 

Interestingly enough,  I don’t bother with that sort of thing on days like this. I mean, I’m often accused of being a self-aware, introspective person (and yes, on a regular basis I can even be guilty of o v e r t h i n k i n g and o v e r a n a l y z i n g every little goddamn thing) but not so much on New Year’s Eve / New Years Day.

There’s no particular reason for this. . .except that I don’t see the point. 

Generally, I’m not someone who gives much thought to the future. And I know that kinda invalidates the aforementioned bit about me being a thoughtful person and all, but I mean I’m not someone who thinks about it in that cheesy way people tend to think about it during the new year. I just can’t get into it and play along.  

I’m not thinking/hoping/wishing that this will finally be “the year” or making bullshit New Year’s Resolutions which no one can seem to keep up after President’s Day, and trying at half-assed predictions about the future, and yadda yadda yadda.

It’s all fairly predictable stuff.

“I’m gonna lose weight,” or “be a better person,” (whatever that means) or “I’m gonna get this and that done,” etc., etc. I don’t know. . .that sorta thing usually comes off as insincere to me. Believe it or not, I’m not much for words (out loud, anyway) so I’d much rather keep shit like that to myself. I think it’s a lot cooler when you make a promise to yourself that nobody fucking knows about, then you make it happen and surprise the shit outta everyone. Ha!

And anyway, I don’t make New Year’s Resolutions because I already know I’m not gonna stick to them and. . .well, because they simply don’t work. No, really. They don’t work. New Year’s Resolutions suck so much that they are even “doomed to failure” according to this study here.  

Yeah, I’m sure I’m coming off as the übergrinch right now, but I’m willing to take that risk in order to tell you exactly what’s on my mind right now. Don’t get me wrong, I’m thankful for the new year, I am looking forward to what this time will bring (the highs and the lows, the good, the bad, and the ugly–all of it) and I am approaching the days that follow with a positive, healthy attitude. A healthily positive attitude. A positively healthy attitude. Something like that.

But if there’s something I do think about, espcially during this time, it’s what my mom has told me over and over and over and over and over again every year basically for fucking ever. She always cautions us (my brothers and sisters and me) more or less, in  that  *special* motherly way (you know, with all the love in the world but a seriousness that you dare not question), not to get caught up in the moment. Particularly on a fucking holiday. My mom is not a fan of contrived, mawkish gestures, specifically the ones that are inspired by the contrived, mawkish air of the holiday season. An authentic, spontaneous moment is more her thing.  (So November comes along and we hear this: Don’t act grateful on Thanksgiving if you’re not gonna be mindful of all the things you can be thankful for all year long. In February: Don’t wait to express your love until Valentine’s Day if you’re not gonna be loving every day after that. Just the other day it would’ve been: Don’t be nice to me on my birthday just to go back to acting up when it’s over (that one was real popular when we were teenagers, haha). You can’t fake some shit with her; the woman will call you out on your crap Every. Single. Time. (If you were ever wondering who’s responsible for my awesome bullshit detector skills, it’s a gift from my mom.)

So in times like these, we always get the same warning:

Don’t set insincere goals for yourself on December 31st (because let’s face it people, most of us don’t think of what our resolutions will be until the last day of the year) just because a new year approaches and you think that’s what you have to do and then you don’t follow through or make a careless effort to succeed. Don’t cheat yourself by setting yourself up for failure.

After hearing the same thing over and over and over and over and over again every year basically for fucking ever, some of this stuff is finally starting to stick. This is why I have no problem saying that I have entered the new year with one simple thing in mind: staying healthy. That’s what I learned based on last year’s experiences, and it’s the first thing I’d like to focus on beginning today.  Sure, I could probably come up with lots of other things to say, but I wouldn’t mean half of them. And that fucking sucks. No, thank you. I’d rather have those wonderfully authentic, spontaneous moments this year has to offer.

This is not to say I’m not intending to set other goals for myself in 2011. It just means I’m not quite there yet. I’m in what I consider to be a transitional stage in my life, where I’ve got my college experiences fresh in my mind, and I’m just barely getting my foot in the door of my career. The world is simultaneously beautiful and utter bullshit. Nothing and everything  appeals to me. I know exactly what I wanna do with my life and I have no idea at all. And I’m not afraid to admit that. Right now, at this time, I’ve got some ideas. But I’m gonna think shit over a little more and decide something when the time is right. Like when I know I’m genuinely willing to take the next step. And I understand that that may be 2 weeks from now. Or hey, something might happen 2 months from now that will inspire a change in me. Hell, I might not get motivated until this summer. Shit may not even happen until November fucking 10th this year. But so what. It’s January 1st and I don’t have all the answers. And that’s OK. It’ll still mean something on January 31st. Or March 8th. Or whatever.  And it’s going to mean more to me than a cheesy resolution. So I’m not worried about it.

I think every year I’ve been able to go beyond myself and rise above my own bullshit issues has been “my year.”  And isn’t every year really the best and worst year of your life? I do take the future very seriously. Trust me, I have plenty of those “what-is-my-purpose?” moments in life, but I take it one day at a time, moment-to-moment, pushing like hell every day and earning small victories along the way, no matter what the date is; that works for me.

In the meantime, I’m gonna think about the fact that by the end of this year I will be only 1 of 7 billion (that’s 7, 0 0 0 , 0 0 0 , 0 0 0) people on the planet, and this will surely help me keep things in perspective.

And that’s all I’m going to say about that. 

P.S. I realize this has nothing to do with the above, but I really, really, really, fucking hate that Honeymooners marathon they play every New Year’s. I hope they put an end to that shit next year.


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