You know what I fucking hate? I hate it when I get into the shower in the morning and there’s no hot water!

   

FML, dude. That shit is so annoying. Like, I can’t even tell you how much that fucking irks me. OK, maybe I can tell you some because I’m writing about it here–but trust me, there are no words to justify my anger for the most part. No words. SMH.

I’m not a morning person at all. At all. I am a night owl, and everybody knows that. There’s nothing about me that goes well with the morning, there’s nothing I enjoy least than being plunged deep into a peaceful slumber at night and being crudely shocked back to life by the defibrillator of an alarm clock the next morning. (Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad the alarm cloock has worked so well every morning thus far if you know what I mean.) And even though this shit happens every morning, and has happened every morning for almost two decades of my life now, I never get used to it. I don’t like it. It fucking sucks.

Oh, there is something I enjoy less than this, and that’s stepping out of my warm, fluffy bed, covered in the beautiful Egyptian cotton bedsheets, the ridiculously soft blankets from the Martha Stewart home collection, and a down comforter that I swear was stuffed with clouds from the Heavens itself and into the cold morning air after said defibrillator wakes me up. Yeah, I really fucking hate that. But I don’t get angry over it because I know that comes with the whole business of waking up in the morning. It’s pleasant for some who are morning birds, but not for others. So I can get over that part and move on.

But other stuff. Other stuff just pisses me off!

Like when I wake up early on a Winter day and find that I’ve gotta take a cold shower because there’s no hot water. I’m already in the shower when I turn on the hot water faucet and suddenly I’m getting splashed by cold fucking water and start freezing to death. Obviously I have no choice but to take this cold shower because #1: I’m fucking already in there and #2 (#2 is the most important): I’m clearly not going to go out into the world this morning without taking a goddamn shower. So, I’ve got to hurry the hell up, get the mission accomplished before the water turns to ice, and try to get the day going right despite this crappy start. And that’s the thing about it when there’s no hot water in the morning: it starts out cold and then quickly gets colder and colder and colder. So I literally have no choice but to hurry the fuck up and try not to freeze. Military shower time. Like I said, I’m definitely not a morning person; it takes me hours to fully wake up and become conscious. Usually that doesn’t happen before 11AM. Before that everything is a blur. I’m one of those people who barely remembers how I got into the shower in the first place or how I managed to get from point A to B in the morning. It’s that bad. Like, I have my most quiet hours during the morning because I’m not always in the best mood during this time and if you don’t have anything nice to say then. . . you know. I know. So I don’t say shit. I don’t talk to anyone and I don’t utter a word. Mostly because I’m half asleep and trying hard to get into the routine of the day in my mind. But on days like this, you better believe that cold water wakes me right the hell up.* And not in a good way. It pisses me off!

Man I know what you mean! Sometimes I have to come home from the cold to be in the cold. Sometimes theres no fucking heat in my house. If I wanted to be outside I would stay outside. And the bitch part of it all. You complain to the landlord and they look at you like oh well. My mother pays rent every month I do not understand that shit. I know they are trying to save but dont do it on my expense. –Lady D, Princess of 6 Train

How could that happen right in the dead of Winter? It’s butt cold this morning and I expect there to be hot water when I get in the shower. How could the water be so freezing when it’s also freezing outside? That sucks. And on a day like this when I AM SICK. That’s right. I am sick and I do not need to be walking into the chilled winter air outside with cold wet hair. I’ve been sick for about a week now, and I’ve lost my voice. Violent coughs, a high fever, problems breathing, the whole mess. I’ve got it bad and it’s taking me a lot to get well. (All these storms lately–I think at last count we’re on the 9th one or something–and the crazy Winter weather in general has finally gotten to me.) So you can see how I don’t appreciate this little surprise especially now when I’m not feeling well and the last thing I need is to take a dip in the Artic Ocean.

Not that this is the first time this has happened. This seems to happen at least once every Winter. Perfect timing. But I don’t like it any time it happens. It just puts me in a bad mood. I get so cold, I feel chilly throughout the day and oh, it’s even 10x times worse on those days when there’s no hot water AND NO HEAT in the building! Fuck. That’s just the makings for a terrible day. But I wonder if this is even a problem the landlord has to deal with (though my gut tells me yes for I payeth him a goodeth amounteth for this thing called rent and for the price I payeth there are no excuses not to have any hot water in the hours of the morning). He’s just the first person that comes to mind when something like this occurs. And don’t get me wrong, I’m actually not going to bitch about my landlord–he is a good man. Truly. And he keeps the building prisitine, orderly, QUIET and most importantly, safe. The man is awesome. So I have no beef with him. This is between me and the boiler room. But still, I let him know there was no hot water this morning, and trust me, the man got the memo. And he took care of business. ;-)

  

Back in the day, when shit like this happened my mom would take the biggest pots we had in the kitchen, fill them with water and boil them on the stove til they were warm enough to bathe with. We bathed that way many mornings when there was no hot water. Remembering this stuff actually made me laugh about it once I got out of the bathroom.

Good thing for that. Now I don’t have to murder my landlord over this shit. C-I-L-L my landlord! Tyrone Green knows what I’m talkin about:

;-)

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