#3. A Sticky Situation

AST WEEK I CAME ACROSS THIS VIDEO ON GAWKER.TV (which is probably my favorite website in the world for wasting time right now) of dos pendejas fighting at Denny’s. . .over maple syrup. That’s right. Maple-fucking-syrup. (Folks, I couldn’t make this shit up even if I wanted to.) And even though I’m not at all surprised that such an incident  would occur between two adult persons (these are decadent times we live in after all), it is still utterly disappointing and a cause for concern.

But before I go off on a rant about these two morons, let me fill you in on the details about the most recent example of the decline of our civilization caught on tape. Retold as an epic story it goes like this:

At a local Denny’s in Chicopee, MA two bitches gentlewomen were having breakfast (the former accompanied by a friend and boyfriend, the latter with her boyfriend) in neighboring booths. The first bitch lady (being without any maple syrup for her pancakes at her own table) reaches over to the second bitch lady and asks her to spare some maple syrup, to which this latter bitch woman politely responds: “Bitch, your pancakes look fine to me!”

The first gentlewoman, taking offense to this less-than-pleasant remark reciprocates with one of her own (allegedly) saying: “Bitch, don’t be talking shit about my pancakes!”

And thus from there, all hell breaks loose and the battle for Middle Earth the thick, sweetened viscous liquid is begun.

Video of the amicable exchange below:

Each woman’s respective partner become engaged in a short-lived aggressive negotiation, giving the females an opportunity to  find a diplomatic solution to their problem.

. . .

And Thank God the noble townspeople were able to record this disagreement with their cellular phones! I’m sure they did so with the intent of making an example out of these people as to how one should NOT solve his problems and not at all to exploit the situation for comedic purposes and 15 seconds of fame on YouTube.

Me? I’m totally getting a laugh out of this! Are you kidding?! I put this shit on my Facebook page the other day, I showed my friends and family this video over dinner the other night, and now I am writing about it here. I am definitely doing my part to spread the message. It’s a worthy cause, you know. Did you know that each day in America, 1 in 3 women and 1 in 2 men are affected by Public Displays of Assholitis (PDA)?

Yesterday it’s a pancake brawl in a nice-sounding little town in Massachusetts. Today, it’s a fight at a taco restaurant in sunny California. Tomorrow, I will be ready to die over a coffee coolatta at Dunkin’ Donuts. That’s what educated, high-quality people do, right? Hey, America runs on that shit.


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