#43. A Life In Film

For whatever reason, two unauthorized movies are made about your life. The first is an independently released documentary, primarily comprised  of interviews with people who know you and bootleg footage of your actual life. Critics are describing the documentary as “brutally honest and relentlessly fair.” Meanwhile Columbia TriStar has produced a big-budget biopic of your life, casting major Hollywood stars as you and all of your acquaintances; though the movie is based on actual events, screenwriters have taken some liberties with the facts. Critics are split on the artistic merits of this fictionalized account, but audiences love it.

Which film would you be more interested in seeing?

* * *

“Brutally honest” and “relentlessly fair” are both terms that have been used to describe me by past teachers and professors. I kid you not. Those exact words. And I quote from a college recommendation letter written by my AP English Language and Composition teacher in High School:

To Whom It May Concern:

It is my pleasure to recommend Bodega Express to your academic program. She is one of the most complex, witty, brutally honest, and gifted writers I have had the chance to work with in my years of teaching and blah, blah, blah. . .

In an analysis of my coursework at the end of the year, my FYSEM professor in college wrote this about me:

. . .She is in full possession of her material, passionately engaged, sensitive, literary, informed, intellectually sophisticated, relentlessly fair, and produces essays from which the professor can actually learn and blah, blah, blah. . .

Naturally, as I read this hyperthetical I wondered if I went to school with Chuck Klosterman at some point and if he wrote this question specifically with me in mind. Um, probably not, but needless to say the choice is very clear to me on this one. An independently released documentary that presents an authentic and straightforward portrayal of my life is the only kind of film I would allow to represent my life’s story. Aside from the action films I grew up with and love so much, I am an avid viewer of documentary films and an admirer of the genre. If you want to know who I really am, and what I’m all about, then you can start by asking my friends and family. None of them will give a biased and sugarcoated account of what kind of person I am or what my life is like, despite our bonds of friend and kinship. Fuck that. Those are not the kinds of people I keep around nor would they be the kinds of people I’d like to make a film about me. So use all the interviews you can, and the bootleg footage you want. If the world is going to know me, they’re gonna get the real deal. All of it. The good, the bad, and the ugly. I am not here to please the audience.  What you see is what you get, folks.  And what you’d get from me is a nothing more than a brutally honest, and relentlessly fair account of my life. Because that’s exactly the kinda person I am.

So which film would you be more interested in seeing about yourself? And here’s a bonus question for you: *Who would play you in the movie version? ;-)


4 thoughts on “Just Watch Me

  1. I would actually choose the big motion picture. I would want my story (however exaggerated) to reach as many people as possible. Movies like Selena or the one with the Mirabal Sisters (In Times of the Butterflies) are great examples of the effect it could have on other people. I mean, we have to give some credit to the audiences. They are not complete idiots… I hope. Anyways, the truth always manages to come out, so I am not worried about any sugar-coating. All I know that at the end of it all, even after I die, I know I will be never forgotten…

    hmmm I have no idea who would play me in the movie..Ill get back to you..

    1. There’s just too many things that I think would go wrong in a motion picture about me. A low budget, awesome documentary appeals to me more than having some actress play me on screen. With my luck, the “liberties” the screenwriters take with my movie would include having Cameron fucking Diaz play me in the movies, a chick who doesn’t even look, act, sound, or has any of my signature characteristics. For me it’s Helena Bonham Carter or bust. ;-)

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